I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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