then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
