i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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