last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
