i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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