escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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