So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize