If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
