How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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