"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
