This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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