I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize