Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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