Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i wish my penis had a tongue
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Someone came in the potted fern
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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