just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
