we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
