I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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