My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
