note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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