I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
