just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
