she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
