I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
