i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
