the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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