how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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