Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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