You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
