Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
