Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
