its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize