i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
