idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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