Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
