Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
