mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
