Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
A bitchslap is in order.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize