Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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