If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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