I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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