I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
