Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
