your parents love me but you hate me
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
