You really coming over, don't trick.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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