i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
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