the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
