new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
