Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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