4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My ATM looks so different sober.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
