How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
