3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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