drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
