when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
