So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
how drunk are you?
Several
that is very illegal...i love you.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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