I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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