kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
