It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
