it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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