Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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