Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize