"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
babies were throwing up all over the place
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
