one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
