You work out of a Hotel?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
