Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
