During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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