porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
