508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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