listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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